Thursday, June 10, 2010

Coming Clean

Sounds like a great title for a romance or erotic romance. But, really, I'm going to tell you where I lied in my post of truths and lie a couple days ago.

Some of you guessed correctly.

1.) I once drove my car into a lake while trying to impress a date.


This is true. I was in high school and mad at one girlfriend for one reason or another, so I decided to take another girl out and drive right past the first girl's house. I chose to drive to a cement boat ramp that extended into Kitsap Lake. It was a beautiful spot because, at night, when the air cooled, a fog would build on the lake. If one parked far enough onto the boat ramp (this usually meant the front wheels of the car had to be in the water) the fog would roll up over the car, covering it, and hiding the activities that may or may not be going on inside. Needless to say, it was dark and I was trying to be cool, so I turned my lights off and allowed my car to roll onto the boat ramp. Unfortunately, the large rectangular cement slabs that formed the boat ramp had been removed for some upgrades. The front end of my car plunged directly over the edge and into the water. My date was not impressed. In fact, she became even less impressed when I asked her to get out of the car and sit on the trunk to try and add weight to the rear end. I eventually phoned my Dad to come and pull my car out of the lake. He was kind enough to never tell anyone of the events of that night. Oddly enough that same girl went out with me again. I guess dorkiness was endearing back then.
2.) I've seen evidence of Bigfoot in the Olympic mountains of Washington State.
Also true. Ok, it was never proven that it was actually Bigfoot, but our dogs did go nuts in the area and a specialist was called in to take plaster castings and video footage.

3.) One time, while serving in the military, I was in a flight of helicopters going to a field location when the helicopter in front of us disappeared in a fog bank. We later were told that the helicopter flew into the side of a mountain. I was then sent out to recover the crashed helicopter from a location that was so steep we had to rappel down the mountainside to get to it.

True. I still know some of the folks in the helicopter. Before then, I was involved in a small helicopter crash, but, obviously, survived. I've also been shot at in a helicopter but the thing still managed to make it back to friendly territory. At one time we had nearly three foot of one of our rotor blades completely destroyed. We were more than an hour flight from good-guy land. It was a very rough ride, but we made it. I was also trapped on the ground at one time and ended up in a knife fight with a bad guy. Fortunately for me, I had a handgun - the bad guy lost the fight.

4.) I once lost my own son in New York City. We were all running to get on the train from Long Island into Manhattan. Everyone made the train except our nine year-old son. All we could do is watch in horror as the doors closed and the train pulled away from the station.

Yep, I'm terrible. We had a mix up at the train station in bayside. Hey, don't judge me - we went back and got him!

5.) In 1983 I made a trip to Berlin (at the time, East) Germany. We had a great time in the underground bars. In fact, I had such a good time that I awoke the next morning with a very unflattering tattoo located in an inappropriate place on my body.

This one is my lie. It's not a complete lie though. I was in Berlin. I did party. By the way, I don't do that kind of stuff any more. I think I might have been nineteen years old then. Truth is, I've always liked the idea of a tattoo but just never was able to find something I was willing to live with on my body forever. If I did get a tattoo though, I think I would want to get one to cover unsightly imperfection or scar.

6.) When I was a child, I loved to go down to the bay and fish. The biggest fish I ever caught was a shark, which I promptly drug through the dirt for about a mile to my house so I could place the stinking dirty dead fish into my parent's bathtub so I could show them when they got home from work.

Absolutely true. My parents were not as pleased as I thought they would be of my catch.

7.) I was involved in a car chase, and managed to outrun the police (a long time ago) in a Volkswagen beetle.

Yep. I'm sad to say that I've done my share of hoodlum things. I can't quite remember the details of how I got into this chase (probably involved a party or something not working on my car) but I was in the chase. I knew that I could not outrun much in a VW Beetle so I darted and weaved through some back alleys and residential streets until I was far enough ahead to pull into someone's driveway, turn out all my light, turn off the car and duck down until the police passed by. I waited for, what seemed and hour, then simply pulled away and drove home. Seems funny now. I think I've actually seen this done in a movie or something. But, at the time, it was completely novel.
So, there it is, I've come clean. I found this to be a fun little exercise.