Monday, July 12, 2010

Dora, Dora - Oh the Horror!

OK, I know I've ranted on Dora the Explorer before but I must go at it again. Since the last time, I've surpassed the ten thousand hour mark in forced watching of the program.

This weekend as I sat with my Grandson, watching the bossy little girl do her thing, I started thinking of great cast-offs to the show.

For instance, what if the producers of the show were to mix Dora with that old favorite, The Wizard of Oz?

I can imagine Dora, swept away by some strong wind. Maybe, with some luck, she'll lose that stupid backpack along the way. She would, of course, end up at the far end of the yellow brick road with her dog, or in this case, monkey: Boots.

Some princess would invariably appear, and tell her she must venture to the end of the yellow brick path and the lost city in order to recover her lost backpack.

Along the way she would meet up with that poor brainless wonder, Tico. The two of them would continue down the path on her way to regain possession of her backpack.

She soon finds herself in the woods and meets her next friend, Isa, that heartless green lizard, who also seems to be missing hands and feet. Lastly, she meets that uncouragious moron, Benny the Bull. The team assembled, they move on, singing happily (or gayly, if it were still politically correct to use that term) while continuing on their quest to reach the lost city.

My favorite part of the story would be when the Grumpy Old Troll  is under his bridge looking into his crystal ball, and watching Dora and her merry band of misfits meandering down the yellow brick path.

"I'm going to get you Dora ... and your little Monkey too!" The Grumpy old troll rubs his beard as he anticipates the things he will do to torture Dora and her Monkey, if he could only just grab them instead of rubbing his chin, laughing, and allowing them to pass.

Of course, Dora eventually finds the lost city but must make her request directly to the wizard - cue Swiper sound effects.

Yes, as the curtain opens and the wizard is revealed, he turns out to be Swiper. And, do you think Swiper is going to give Dora the backpack? 

"Too late," He says as he throws the backpack into the trees, giving Map a concussion and a nasty series of contusions in the process. "You'll never find it now!"

Dora has no choice but to run directly into another adventure to find her backpack again. Sorry Dora, No "we did it" dance for you, this time.

One last thing. On a personal note, I found this picture and must say I like the idea. I believe the Dora pinata must be made for adults more than for children. I, for one, would take great pleasure in beating the stuffing out of a paper mache representation of Dora.