Turkey and Pumpkin...Chunkin

I'm posting this early as I don't expect to be anywhere near a computer or keyboard on Thanksgiving day. That would require washing the grease off my fingers, and you know a won't have time for that. After all, I don't wanna be lickin' my fingers, and get the taste of soap in my mouth to spoil all the gastronomic goodness having a party in my belly.

Yeah, that's right. I plan on eating at least some of my Thanksgiving meal with my fingers. I'm not doing it because I'm a slob, or anything. I'm merely trying to give myself, and others, the most authentic Thanksgiving experience possible.

Yes, it's true. Did you know that, for the the first Thanksgiving feast in the year 1621, the Pilgrims did not have forks? They used knives, spoons, and their hands to gobble up that turkey. And, by the way, turkey was one of the few items they had back then that we still eat today. Back then they had no pumpkin pie, gelatinous cranberry substance from a can, not even butter for the corn. They didn't have these things mainly because they had previously run out of sugar and flour. They also had to learn how to eat strange new foods indigenous to North America. But, fortunately for them, turkey was one of those foods.

Ever wonder how a turkey came to be called turkey? Actually, back in the day, the Natives called the turkey a Peru. Not that South American country but the name of this big wild bird. Most pilgrims were still calling the bird a Guinea Fowl because that's what they had in Europe. In fact, most folks continued to mistake the turkey for the guinea fowl until the bird was finally given a Latin name of Meleagras Gallopa in the 18th century. Most folks in Europe were already calling the bird a turkey since it was originally imported there by the spaniards via Turkey (the country). When faced with calling the bird by its Latin name or simply calling it a turkey, the latter is what stuck for Americans.

I absolutely love eating a big ole' turkey on Thanksgiving, along with sweet potato casserole, my wife's wonderful stuffing, and pumpkin pie.

While I'm on the subject of pumpkins, another new past time I've recently adopted (Okay, so I adopted it last year. But I plan on making it a tradition) is watching the annual punkin chunkin competition. I'd rather watch this than football because it helps me to realize that there are some really smart (or really stupid, depending on how you look at it) rednecks and hillbillies out there.

I think that punkin chunkin is something everyone should see, if only once in their lives. It's like, one of the wonders of the world, like a fine puree of science and stupidity. It truly is the thing to look forward to after a good hearty Thanksgiving meal. Watching it motivates me to get out there and do some math just so I can see how far a pumpkin can possibly be 'chunked.'

Now, if I could just convince the Science Channel or the Discovery Channel to televise our annual Noodlin' and Rattlesnake Rodeo outing, I'd be set. Well, if things don't work out, there's always a chance you'll eventually get to see my antics on the television show "A Thousand Ways to Die."


  1. Rattlesnake Rodeo - you only compete once!
    Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and no grease smeared your computer keys.

  2. Did you know Ben Franklin proposed the turkey for our national bird? It almost happened. Can you imagine things like "turkey scout"? Maybe we would have eagle and cranberry for Thanksgiving. What would I do for feathers for my arrows? The ramifications gobble the mind.

    Good article. Liked the Rudolph one

    We should have a rattlesnake rodeo. You can't spit without hitting one. I wrote an article on that. I write humor and satire also. I'm not as prolific as you though.

    I'm sorry about your parents.


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